I am one who believes that I can confront someone when the issue is more serious than who the person is I need to confront. This includes pastors.
Going back more than 8 years ago, there was an interesting set of circumstances between our pastor, one of the youth leaders and our son. It all started when our, then, pastor was passing by an area grocery store and “sensed in his spirit” my son working there.
He mentioned it to our son and got this other young man, Chuck, in on it and decided that our son should apply for a job at this store. Our son was about 15, at the time, so he was a minor and not a licensed driver.
When our son told us about this, we told him it was not possible, as the distance and traffic would cause us over an hour worth of driving him back and forth. The following youth meeting, the pastor and Chuck decided that Chuck could take our son out there to apply.
I called the pastor the following night – a Saturday – and firmly let him know my disgust over this whole thing. I was angry.
“Who do you guys think you are making decisions for my son?”, I started, with a small amount of volume and obvious anger. As we talked, I calmed down and explained that it was impractical for our son to work two towns over through dense traffic.
Then, Sunday came. The pastor met me as we were walking in. “Can I see you guys after service?”
I had no idea what it was about. I didn’t even consider it was about the discussion the night before. Not only did I calm down during that discussion, but I apologized for being so animated.
This was the first of two definite “ambush” meetings. My wife and I met the pastor and his wife and one of the other pastors and his wife in a classroom after service. The senior pastor started with me, right off.
“The way you spoke to me last night was rude and disrespectful.”
Well, I was upset, but I believed I had reason to be. I did remind him that, if he recalled, I did calm down through the conversation and made a quick apology for my emoted verbage. He went on with, “I hope no one in your family was in hearing shot.” I assured him I was alone in a room when I called. Then, he said something that floors me to this day…
“You offended the office of the Pastor.”
Really? Is that really a thing?
When you are cornered with such a barrage of accusations, unless you are quick on your feet, you simply apologize and wait for the smoke to clear. Even though I apologized, it was more for pacification. I knew I was not wrong. After all, his actions concerning my son were technically a usurpation of the parents.
He made the decision and told our son he should apply to that store and Chuck would take him. The parents were told afterward.
That don’t fly with me.
Parent “outranks” pastor. Our children were given to us…we were responsible for them. No one can override that. Pastor or not…you get between us and our kids, I just might let you hear about it.
As for that disrespecting the office thing…this is a load of crap. It does not hold up scripturally nor by any definition of what a pastor is.
Do I have a point? Let’s see if I can make sense of this.
First, the hierarchy that has been established in church leadership is mostly counterfeit. What has been dubbed the 5-Fold Ministry is not what some teachings declare. It has become a list of levels of hierarchy and this is not suggested, at all. Pastors have become bosses, presidents, be-all and end-all, first and last word and overly revered for what should be a serving position (and no…”pulpit ministry” is not serving).
Second, parents are the parents. No one should usurp parental authority. No one. As parents, we need to live up to the responsibility and not let others dictate what our kids do or where they go. This does not mean we should not listen to good parenting advice or suggestions concerning our kids. It means no one else makes ultimate decisions for our kids.
I have a few stories from those days, which I might share as I go. This is not to expose what went on (church name deliberately not mentioned), but to share what I learned in the process.
As the Church, we need to start emptying our heads of the doctrines that have been taught for centuries and spend time with the Lord and in scripture. We need to challenge the age-old doctrines which either do no good or even do more harm than good. So many of these doctrines hold people back from their full potential, by placing them in a servile status. The very idea of clergy and laity has nothing to do with any possible scriptural instructions or even suggestions.
I believe the Church can move forward into greater things if we ditch the levels of hierarchy and realize that, regardless of the authority given, we are all the same level of servant. We need more people doing what needs to be done and less “leaders” teaching us how to be good Christians.
Maybe church gatherings should be more about planning and organizing how to practically love one another and our neighbors.
Maybe pastors should not tell people where to go or how to serve, but serve first and perhaps others will join in.
Maybe we should stop being so lazy, relying on leaders to tell us what to do and seek the Lord ourselves and go forward in what He has for us.
Well, it seems like I stretched this one out, a tad. But, that incident was one of the ones that started me on a journey to seek out some reality.
Some might call me a heretic. Fine. I can handle being accused of challenging orthodoxy – especially when so much of it has little or nothing to do with scripture.